Meet Mr. Sangaiah. My Thatha.

Meet Mr. Sangaiah. My thatha.

Why aren't children allowed inside the ICU? I was 9 when he passed away, and the last time I saw him alive was back home in Chennai, playing with me and my brother, laughing around, and going on about his life normally. The next time I saw him was at his funeral.

I didn't know anything about him at the time. In fact, I was embarrassed even, that he was from the village and called me "Aatha" (rural equivalent of "Amma") because I resembled his mother, whom he dearly loved. But as I grew older, the more I heard about him, the more I wanted to live like he did. If we met today, I believe he'd get me. Mind you, he was a very normal, uneducated farmer in a village down south called Ilandiraikondan. But it was not who he was that mattered. It was how he was. Rebellious yet affectionate, daunting yet joyful - this man basically YOLO-ed the shit out of his life. So much so that whenever I go back, his name is always in the air.

He lost his mother very young and never gelled with his stepmother. He dated in his youth, he practised silambattam with the dalit community and loved staying with them despite his village's taunts, he made the best meen kozhambu, he played with snakes, he lived in a forest my dad bought him, cultivating, amongst wild animals. He wandered, he adored films; Most of all, he realised he was a mere mortal in a world where money was a bigger currency than affection, and with no certainty of what the next day held in his impoverished village, he submitted to just living life on his own terms.

In his final days, he convinced my dad to let him go back to the village, saying he'd be meticulous with his meds and restrictions. He went back, followed none of it, lived how he wanted, and died. My father still regrets sending him back, but I believe thatha didn't just live on his own terms. He exited on his own terms too.

He might not be your ideal role model. But the way I see it, he yearned for அன்பு (love/affection) as a child, and throughout his life, surrendered to anything that gave him that. I think that's a good guiding light to have. And as an extension, for me, he's the best guiding light I can have.